Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Accolades from around the world

I am pleased to announce that I am getting accolades from around the world from the most important, and the only important, Marxist leaders from around the world.

Bruce Bostick is still suffering post-convention depression syndrome as he is fatigued from ferreting out the Stalinist agents still among us and the nay-sayers.

Let me just say that there are rumors abounding on the Internet that we have censored some things.

It is true the KKE statement was shortened down a bit before being read to convention goers but the intent was to edit for brevity and not to exclude pertinent content.

The KKE statement was deleted as posted by some loony leftist from the PW web site but not as a result of my orders. My orders were to edit for brevity and clarity. Those dam Greeks just aren't very clear in what they say so I asked Erwin Marquit to make the KKE more understandable for our very special American audience. What happened is Erin experienced a bout of "Fat Fingers." There was no relapse into revisionism. After all, we all loved Gus.

Some people are complaining they don't know fully what went on at our convention. Here all everyone really needs to know:

1. I delivered the main report which continues to draw widespread accolades from across the globe.

2. I drank a lot of beer and got drunk and then I told better jokes.

I don't understand why people refused to show up for the convention and now complain they don't know what went on.

We had a completely open convention having invited everyone to come on out for all the fun.

I don't understand the low turn-out. Usually free beer brings a full crowd.

Still wondering if our name is the same? Keep wondering. We will inform the world in due time.

Sam Webb
Chair, National Board, CPUSA

Saturday, May 22, 2010

I did not ban the message from KKE


I do not like to take measures like this during our historic national convention but events have turned ugly.

I am being accused of banning and censoring things. I would never do such a thing. I am a Democrat.

There is a small group out in the cow pastures of Minnesota hell-bent on trying to discredit me and they are trying to turn this into a major set-back for our Party.

They are all concerned this message from the KKE was not distributed in a timely manner to members and delegates.

Well, members and delegates should not feel slighted in any way because I didn't even distribute this to most other members of the National Board or to most of the National Committee.

There are suggestions I should have included this letter from KKE in my Main Report. No way; let all the C-Span listeners have to put up with such nonsense? I had to talk about important issues while addressing the Nation. I made a brilliant speech. You saw it. Everyone interrupted me on cue with wild applause. I received the rehearsed standing ovation.

Democracy smocracy. Let's get on with our convention so we can gavel it quickly to a close.

Yes, Jarvis; what is it?

No. No. I meant to give you the message and it slipped my mind.

Yes, Scottie?

No, I didn't keep you in the dark. Had I given you this message what would you have done with it?

Make copies, Scottie? We don't even have a photocopy machine for you to use.

Yes, Mr. Bostick; what is it?

Sam, I am a union leader why didn't you give me a copy as a courtesy?

Bruce, I tried to give you a copy so you could ferret out the Soviet agents but you were so out of it. Did they up your Prozac dosage during your last stay in the Bellvue mental ward for the chronically depressed?

Look; I'm not going to stand here all day answering your idiotic questions about some message from Greece that didn't get distributed. I have an important basketball game to watch so I have some statistics to share with the delegates.

Here is the letter go ahead and read it if you don't have anything better to do but no one is to take the letter out of my office.

Oh, I should mention that at our 2015 Convention we are going to have a big surprise for the 60 National Convention delegates. The leader of the democratic people's movement will be addressing us.

Yes, Mr. Margolis; what is it?

Sam, can I be on the National Board?

No, Dan, you can not be on the National Board. It is bad enough we have to tolerate you heading up the New York District but except for John Case you are the only one stupid enough to do the job the way we want it done.

Ok, here comes a question of substance finally. Hi there Erwin how's it going?

Just peachy keen Sam. I have some thoughts about this letter from Greece. My dialectical understanding in the reading of this message is that someone is trying to insinuate we may not be very good Marxist-Leninists. I think you should just tell the Greeks what you told us in my back yard in St. Paul the day you almost choked on one of my Wal-mart hamburgers.

Mr. Marquit, I thought you had memory problems?

No, Sam, not that I recall.

Well, Mr. Marquit, how is it you forgot how to tie your shoes but you remember what I said at your back-yard fundraiser for the PWW so well where we took in $45.00?

Sam, I thought we took in $15.00.

No. Mr. Marquit, it was $45.00.

Ok, Sam; whatever you say. Now I forgot what I was going to say about this message. Oh, yes. Sam; you said you never liked the term "Marxism-Leninism." I hope you haven't changed your mind.

Erwin; don't you ever know when to stop your rambling?

Sam, why don't you just tell the Greeks what you told us. Save the postage and just send them the message in a bottle.

Ok, folks. I got to clear you all out of here.

Someone tell Peter Molenaar to pop a few Viagra and come on in here and help me find ESPN on this damn thing. Have Mark Froemke bring us all a beer he doesn't have to dring the entire case by himself. Come on Bruce, pop a few more Prozac and sit here on my lap while we watch the game.

Come on. Everyone out of my office. I can only handle a few of you weirdos at a time.

Yes, Joelle.

Sam. Are we going to kick those Minnesotans out in the cow pastures out of the Party?

Joelle, where have you been the last ten years?

Well, hello Mr. Marder; how are you? Have you learned to keep your big mouth shut? Yapping all over the place I won't splurge for your U.S. Peace Council leaflets! Come on in. I'll write you a check. Will $5.00 cover what you need?

Sam Webb
Chair, National Board, CPUSA

Communist Party of Greece - [13.05.2010] Message to the National Committee of CP, USA

Communist Party USA,
National Committee,
New York
Athens, Thursday, 13 May 2010

Dear comrades

We would like to thank you for the information regarding your 29th party convention and to extend our greetings to the delegates. Our parties have met in the past in common struggles for workers’ rights, in the struggle against anti-communism, for the defense of socialism and the Soviet Union, for the unity of the communist movement on the basis of our revolutionary principles and traditions.

We are following as closely as we can the developments in the USA, the escalation of the aggression of US imperialism which lately has become quite obvious. The US is striving to respond to the trend of losing ground within the framework of the imperialist system by inciting regional tensions and conflicts, so that it can take advantage of its political and military supremacy in order to safeguard its interests and maintain its spheres of influence.

In Greece, the working class and the popular strata are facing a barbaric attack, on the pretext of the economic crisis; an attack which has been jointly unleashed by the social democratic PASOK government, the EU and the IMF, with the assistance of the conservative ND party and the open support of the nationalist LAOS party.

The remarkable resistance presented by the labor and popular movement is spearheaded by KKE which continually strives to reveal the real cause of the crisis, the sharpening of the basic contradictions of capitalism. Without the consistent exposure of the compromised and discredited in the eyes of the workers trade union leaderships of GSEE and ADEDY (the national confederations of the private and public sector respectively), without the decisive contribution of PAME (All Workers’ Militant Front), the national trade union front comprised of class oriented Federations, trade unions, labor centers and trade unionists, the labor movement in our country would have been disarmed, unprepared, and unable to fight back.

KKE calls upon the working class, the self-employed, the poor farmers, and the youth to engage in even stronger, more massive and organized actions in order to stave off the onslaught and pave the way for a different path of development. There can be no way other than the nationalization of the monopolies. The working class must take possession of the concentrated means of production and mobilize them with central planning and popular participation. This presupposes a struggle aiming for people’s power, for socialism-communism.

The fightback against anti-communism, the adamant defense of the historical contribution of the Soviet Union and socialist construction in the 20th century, of the identity and revolutionary traditions of the communist movement, take on particular importance today.

As long as the crisis of the international communist movement persists, as long as the situation does not improve and retreats from ideological and theoretical principles are not resolutely confronted, as long as the front against opportunist views that hinder the formation of a single revolutionary strategy against imperialism does not become strengthened, the situation will harbor the danger of an even greater backslide.

The existence of strong Communist Parties steadfast to the principles of Marxism-Leninism and proletarian internationalism, with a revolutionary program for the overthrow of the rule of monopolies, for building socialism - communism, is the foremost demand of our times.

We look forward to learning the conclusions and the resolutions of your convention.

With comradely greetings

The Central Committee of KKE


Thursday, May 20, 2010

CPUSA National Convention Delegates: Welcome to the Big Apple

I want to extend a hearty welcome to all 150 delegates pouring into New York City to attend our National Convention.

Tens of thousands more will be viewing those portions of the convention we deem appropriate via the Internet.

Here is what a typical convention delegate looks like:

Notice the Obama hat this labor leader so proudly wears... no Marx or Lenin buttons pinned to it.

Facial hair is groomed fully unlike Karl Marx.

We must take pride in being the chosen and specially selected participants to the CPUSA National Convention while walking the streets of New York City or engaged in vigorous and lively debate or just getting drunk and weird.

All anti-depressant drugs and Viagra have been banned from the premises. Bruce Bostick and Peter Molenaar be forewarned.

Sam Webb
Chair, National Board, CPUSA