I have had many sleepless nights thinking through the logistics of our problem.
We want to get rid of this god awful name of CPUSA which is hindering our work. There is nothing I would better like to be doing then getting out among the middle class intellectuals and hobnobbing with the labor elite. I just can't do it with this albatross hanging around my neck. Once we get our name changed we can call a press conference to announce it. This will put us in good standing with the struggle by press conference crowd.
Yes, Jarvis; what now?
Sam, are we going to increase dues now or wait until after the convention when we have our new name?
Please Jarvis, I was trying to save the good news until after the convention.
For so long we have been trapped by this crude thinking being called Marxism-Leninism the result of uneducated workers thinking they can develop an ideology justified by a bunch of ultra-leftists thinking they can just take power whenever they feel like it even when they are not prepared.
We must go through many intricate stages to get to where we want to go. I'm not sure we want our objective to be socialism. Perhaps we do maybe we don't. There are many complexities to consider.
As Jarvis has pointed out there will be someone even better than Barack Obama after him.
Alright, I know that is hard to believe now as our beloved President Obama has demonstrated his sincere concern for the Haitian people. Humanitarianism just doesn't get any better. The marines have landed--- not with guns blazing, but concealed or shouldered. Imperialism has mellowed and has learned to become more people friendly.
Now let me mention our strategy as we move closer to convention. As all of you know I have not been able to contain the Minnesota Problem. We are trying a little different tact to see if we can't do better.
I have assigned Dan Margolis to go under-cover using the trekkie like name of Kamran Heiss. Dan's assignment is to convince all those using the Internet that one man and one man alone is responsible for all of our problems. We are claiming a united Party with our unity being disrupted by this one bad boy behind anything we don't agree with. People suck up these kind of excuses.
We have been quite successful in containing the ultra-right. Now we must contain the ultra-left.
Today I issue the order for all 230 members of the CPUSA to go after the leader of the pack of these ultra-leftists.
I have assigned Comrade Rick Nagin to quickly come up with a new name for our organization.
I have assigned Bruce Bostick to route out all remaining Stalinist agents.
Sam, I thought we were going to say that there is only one person causing all the problems.
Bruce, thank you for reminding me of my change in the Party line.
Sam; I have already exposed the one Stalinist agent. How can I expose the others if we are claiming only one person using many names is the problem. My deep understanding of dialectical thinking tells me we can not claim many people are ultra-leftists and then turn around and claim all of our problems result from one bad boy.
Bruce, I am going to study what you have said in order to determine if you are using scientific thinking.
Yes Teresa; what is it?
Sam, I am concerned that if you claim that their is but one ultra-leftists causing problems using many different names and monikers people are going to think the new PW only has one or two real readers.
Teresa, please pass me that bottle of aspirin. Why the hell did you have to throw this monkey wrench into the mix?
Yes, Scottie, what is it?
Sam, if you are so unhappy with the position of Chair; can I finally have the position?
Scottie, you are fortunate to have the position you do. Now, please, stop your whining.
Yes, long live our gallant leader Barack Obama.
Chair of a dwindling CPUSA about to be revived in May by using another name.