A round of applause for John Case

I want to thank John Case, our Party's brilliant economist.

John has had to turn his attention to working with Bruce Bostick to out Stalinist agents from our Party.

Bruce is suffering severe depression from his laborious work.

Bruce needs to purchase another bottle of medication because John Case ran out of his and the two have started sharing.

The National Board has not been able to work on other problems because we are trying some trial and error adjustments to see if we can't get both Bruce Bostick and John Case on the same meds and save a little money in the process.

John is capable of solving most economic problems for the the Obama Administration if his meds are tweaked appropriately while Bruce Bostick is suffering severe complications of a neural disorder brought on by the stress of unemployment.

We have been experimenting with electro shock treatments on both of these very talented and brilliant members of our important staff. I could not make most of my brilliant decisions without input from Bruce Bostick and John Case.

John almost lost his balance and fell under a subway the other day claiming the increased dosage that I recommended caused him to think he was walking sideways.

I am assigning Jarvis and Scott Marshall to make sure they both get back to the room they share at Bellevue while they are both out on day passes until our upcoming convention.

Will will keep Bruce downstairs by the door as a spotter for any signs of arrival from the Minnesota and Jersey Problems.

No one from either CPC will be admitted to the convention.

As we tweak the meds for Bruce Bostick and John Case, I would ask everyone to bear with us as their electrodes may not be in complete sync and proper firing order.

Sam Webb
National Chair, CPUSA