Springtime of possibilities

Sam Webb, CPUSA National Chair, outlined what he says has become his worst nightmare: The Springtime Possibility of Communist Party USA Clubs springing up like dandelions with warm spring rains in Minnesota.

Webb assured all in attendance at the February 2009 National Board meeting that he was on top of the situation along with his coalition partners.

Webb voiced concern and alarm that the Minnesota People's Bailout could jeopardize Barack Obama's middle class bailout should similar notions begin to spread across the United States to poverty stricken working class communities, urban inner cities and Indian reservations.

Webb stated, "Our worst case scenario as we envision the Minnesota Problem would be multi-directional heavy winds spreading dandelion seeds from Communist Party clubs in Minnesota across the prairies to the west and across Lake Michigan to the east. There is always the possibility of strong winds from the south carrying these seeds into the Canadian provinces. Hopefully there will be no winds coming out of the north this spring or cities from Chicago south could end up with huge major problems of Party Clubs proliferating like dandelions. This is not what I had in mind when I spoke a springtime of possibilities. Comrades, my pledge to you is that we, this Communist Party USA leadership, will do everything to once and for all bring the Minnesota Problem under control. In spite of all rumors I can assure you that this Party leadership and your Chair have no intent of taking up the question of a People's Bailout. The Middle Class Bailout has yet to achieve success. We need to progress in stages. I don't know what those Minnesotans are thinking; we must make them understand the wars in Afghanistan and Pakistan are different from the imperialist war in Iraq. Their talk about cutting off all aid to Israel as long as Hamas is firing their rockets into occupied territory threatens to turn the peace movement into a class war against our liberal imperialist coalition partners. What are these people thinking?"

Webb told members of the National Board, "The ghost of Gus Hall has come back to haunt us. We made a serious mistake in liquidating Hall's books rather than burning them. People can now purchase "Working Class USA the power and the movement" for a few dollars from Internet booksellers." And what potential and power there remains among the working class if these ideas of Gus Hall's get into the hands of people having a few problems in their daily lives.

We need to promote the use of prozac as a pancea to the problems of the working class. We need to help people overcome their anger and emotional distress over home foreclosures and job loss.

The modern way to accomplish this is through medication and drugs--- not in people reading the revolutionary rants of Gus Hall. A medicated solution to the problems of class conflict will boost spending and create enormous profits which means more jobs in the pharmaceutical industry. If people are medicated for their anger auto workers could conceivably find jobs in a burgeoning pharmaceutical industry. Buy American. This is the key.

Sam Webb explained to the National Board that working class ideas are more difficult to expunge than originally thought.

Webb went on to explain why the Party might take this set-back as an opportunity to do more fund raising through foundations and broaden the Party base among the more well-to-do middle class liberal establishment elite.

Webb explained that if unplanned Party growth could be halted with Party growth brought in line with the goals and objectives of negative Party growth working class ideas could be eradicated from public life once and for all and harmony free from class conflict will have been achieved with a middle class life for all.

A motion was made by Judith LeBlanc and seconded by Jarvis Tyner that a massive search of the Internet be undertaken for the next four years to obtain the names of wealthy philanthropy oriented members from within the liberal wing of the imperialist establishment who might want to fund a campaign to bring morality to imperialism in keeping with what was envisioned by Adam Smith for capitalism.

Elena Mora made a motion to adjourn the February meeting of the National Board of the CPUSA. The motion was passed to thunderous applause cracking two glass walls and shattering a third.

Minutes recorded by Joel Wendland. All copyright restrictions apply.